


Telling Tales

by ceresilupin



Category: Star Wars: Clone Wars (TV 2008)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-29
Updated: 2011-07-29
Packaged: 2017-10-21 22:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/230351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceresilupin/pseuds/ceresilupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gus and Jester have a little story about the Captain and the Commander to tell. . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Telling Tales

“Then, see, me and Jester had this idea,” Gus said.

“This isn’t going to end well,” Nax muttered. The rest of the group – fifteen clones around a table in the ship’s barracks, officially relaxing after a long day, unofficially getting the measure of five shinies transferred in the wake of Ryloth – laughed.

“We’d been searching for this guy all day,” Jester explained to the rookies. “The Jedi had us shifting rubble at one point, that’s how bad it was. And then we spot him walking into a bar three hours after everyone gave up.” He shook his head ruefully at the memory.

“So, we thought that catching him and turning him in might make up for the thing with the tubers and Chopper’s collection,” Gus continued.

“ _I_ thought catching him might make up for it,” Jester corrected. “ _You_ thought catching him and his associates would be better. Which meant following him first.”

Gus brushed his words away. “Details.”

“Who’s Chopper?” one of the rookies wanted to know. “And . . . his collection?” another added.

“You don’t want to know,” Coric said, filling a glass and shoving it at one of the shinies. He eyed the amber fluid dubiously. “Trust me on that. And drink up.”

Gus waved for everyone to be quiet and pay attention to him. “So we found some disguises,” he said, as Jester shook his head mournfully,  “—and infiltrated the perimeter—“ now Attie shook _his_ head, “—and set ourselves up to wait. The place was kind of crowded, so it wasn’t easy. And then who should come strolling in but,” Gus paused for dramatic effect, beckoning the rookies closer, “ _the Captain_.”

Approximately fifteen pairs of identical dark eyes turned to stare at Rex. He leaned against the wall and scowled back at them. “When we get back to Courscant,” he said, “I’m having you all shot.”

They laughed. “Good one, sir,” Zeer said.

“I’m serious,” Rex said.

“He wasn’t even wearing a disguise,” Gus pointed out contemptuously. “Which, in addition to being against regs, was a great idea, because all three females in the place wandered over and started listing their favorite drinks. I’ve gotta try that sometime.”

“All _three_ females?” Coric, always sharp, was the first to notice the discrepancy. “I thought you said this place was crowded.”

And Fives, never far behind him, chimed in. “Yeah, and I don’t remember seeing any bars on Akrit’tar. The place was pretty well pounded.”

“Yeah,” a few guys muttered, exchanging glances. The mood of the crowd changed from enraptured to skeptical and Gus and Jester exchanged worried glances, like they thought a mutiny was about to take place. As far as Rex was concerned, one already was.

“Well,” Cody said, like Rex, a little bit apart from the group with his arms crossed, “you were there, Cap. _Was_ it crowded?”

“It was . . . a special kind of bar,” Jester said delicately, letting Rex off the hook and temporarily ensuring his survival. “You know. The kind that makes repairing a building right after a Separatist invasion worthwhile. Easy, too, because all you really need is a few . . . poles.”

A few troopers nodded. The rookies looked even more gobsmacked than before, possibly still stuck on the idea of _three actual females_ – there weren’t many of those on Kamino, as Rex recalled. And even fewer in the army, unless you counted the female Jedi, who practically wore signs that said _Do Not Touch._

And, in some cases, not much beyond that.

“So, in walks the Captain,” Gus said loudly, drawing attention back to himself, where he liked it. “Me ‘n Jester figured the jig was up, and the powers that be were going to nail the suspect, but we decided to stick around and see what happened. You know. Just in case.”

“And what was it that happened, exactly?” Attie prompted.

Gus now had the attention of everyone in their little group, plus a few passerby who’d heard raised voices and were dawdling on the fringes. Rex sighed again and began composing a list of all the people who were going to kill him, trying to figure who’d get to him first – his money was on General Skywalker, but underestimating Kenobi was always a bad idea. And then, of course, there was Commander Ahsoka.

Gus pushed aside his glass and leaned forward, lowering his voice. Rex watched in mild disgust as everyone else leaned in as well, except Cody, who was watching with the corner of his mouth turned up. “The lights went down,” Gus said, “and the music came up. You could tell something unusual was going on – everyone started to cheer, stopped, looked confused – and then they started up again. Boy, did they ever start up again.” He shook his head and leaned back for a drink.

The men were exchanging glances, muttering and shaking their heads. Coric was grinning, eyebrows raised: evidently he’d guessed where this was going. “So, ah,” he said, elbowing Fives. “How was the view?”

Rex snorted. “The view,” Gus said, in a low, awestruck voice. “The view. How can I possibly – the view, he says. The _view_.”

Jester rolled his eyes. “Gold chains,” he said. Fives, also catching on, whistled. “From here,” Jester tapped his forehead, “to here,” he tapped his breastplate. “And these shoes, right.”

“They were gold, too,” Gus chimed in. “And strappy. From ankle to, ahem – thigh.”

Attie and Zeer were snickering, shooting Rex glances from the corners of their eyes. Rex affixed his most impenetrable expression and glared at them, mildly discouraged when they just laughed harder.

“Don’t forget the bracelets,” Jester said, and Gus all but leapt to his feet. “The bracelets!” he cried. “Yes, the bracelets. And all the ribbons – gold ribbons, of course, long gold ribbons. Plus the usual getup, of course, armored bits included. It was, ah.” He shook his head and retook his seat.

Most of the veterans were well on their way to popping a vein, they were laughing so hard, but the rookies looked confused. “And who. . . ,” one started, “or what,” another added, “was wearing all this?” a third finished.

Gus shook his head in disappointment. “The Commander, of course.”

The rookies’ heads swiveled to stare at Cody as the room erupted in laughter. “No, no,” Gus shouted over the uproar, “not _that_ Commander, the _other_ commander. The pretty girl one! Kriff. The _other_ Commander, you numbskulls, not – eugh.”

“Gold ribbons,” Attie said almost laughing too hard to speak. “Chains, from here to here,” Zeer said. Coric began banging his forehead on the table, tears of mirth dripping from his eyes. “And the shoes, don’t forget the strappy shoes,” Fives said, and Coric shoved him to make him stop.

“All right, this isn’t funny anymore,” Cody said. “Rex, back me up, brother.”

Rex covered his face, leaning helplessly against the wall. “The usual getup,” he choked, “armored bits incl—“ Cody punched him in the shoulder but it was too late, the men were off again, imagining this sight.

It took them a good minute, minute and a half, to calm down. “Oh, kriff,” Coric said, straightening and clutching his stomach. Zeer smacked him the back like he was choking, earning himself a shove. “You’ve outdone yourselves, boys. That was a good one.”

“That _wasn’t_ a good one, you’re all _laughing at the wrong thing,_ ” Gus said crossly. “Honestly, Commander Ahsoka done up in her pole dancing best. You wouldn’t have been laughing, you’d’ve been scraping your tongues from the floor. I sure was.”

That set everybody off again. The lead rookie glanced inquiringly at Rex, who opened a palm as if to say, _you tell me._ His other hand was busy wiping his eyes and hiding his grin from Cody, who looked truly murderous.

“I dunno,” another rookie said tentatively. “Isn’t she, about, twelve?”

“She’s fifteen,” Fives said, a stickler for accuracy.

“Looks twelve,” Zeer said, nodding to the rookie.

“She’s a beanpole,” Coric said, not unkindly. “Just a kid. You two jokers need to get your eyes examined. Or your heads checked. Or both.”

Gus was entirely put-out, but Jester just shrugged. “I told you,” he said, and finished off his drink. “You guys had to be there. But trust me, it was something.”

More laughs, and that was it, the crowd breaking up on some unspoken cue. A few friendly hands patted Gus’s slumped shoulders in passing, until Cody growled something about kitchen duty and hauled him to his feet, herding him and Jester towards the door like an aggressive nerfdog.

Mostly unobserved, Rex took the opportunity escape, relieved Gus’s story hadn’t gone any further. Like to Ahsoka’s dance, which had brought the crowded room to its feet and earned her two hundred credits (she hadn’t even been _trying)._ Or to her spotting him in the crowd – of course she’d spotted him, she’d been the one who called him there – and giving him a lap dance in front of everybody and their mother, just so she could whisper breathlessly to keep his eyes open for the suspect. She hadn’t even told him where the blasted Neimodian _was;_ if he’d known the grub was a few feet away he’d have arrested the bastard then.

Of course, there was no way for Gus to know what had happened after that – the chase through the ruined city streets, Ahsoka still in her fancy gold getup, or the triumphant arrest, so hectic and perilous Rex didn’t notice Ahsoka’s bare legs for a whole three minutes.

Or the sight of Ahsoka discarding her chains and ribbons and strappy shoes, tossing them aside before the Generals arrived. Or the way she’d watched his beet red face with narrow, thoughtful eyes, or the way she’d stood on her toes to give him a light, experimental kiss, her sharp predator’s teeth nibbling at his lower lip curiously.

Yep, Rex decided morosely, his money was on Skywalker killing him first. Or that Plo Koon fellow. Or, in fact, the combined fury of the Jedi Council, the Senate, and Naval Command. Or Ahsoka herself, once she realized her ‘boys’ were telling stories about her.

Still, though. He decided it had been worth it.


End file.
